Now I drink less and write more

Articles Written for Alcohowl.com

STOCKING THE HOME BAR

Home is where the bar is. If the bar is at home, well done! And if you enjoy entertaining, this could well be the very thing that gets you that promotion or an attentive husband snagged just to lovingly keep that home bar stocked.

To start with, we suggest picking alcohol that you love – and not just to impress. What’s the use in stocking Campari when you call it an acquired taste that you have not acquired, yet? Or, worse still, you could end up spending a fortune on alcohol that you will never drink. If you travel a lot, pick up some native brews to add a bit of the exotic. If you love cocktails, start by stocking up on ingredients, and please say no to the pre-mixes and store-bought ones too. We guarantee this will give your home bar more substance than a hipster's handmade leather journal.

Now it’s time to show the family that you still know how to bring home the bacon, and whiskey, and vodka, and rum. What we mean is getting your base spirits of gin, bourbon, scotch, tequila, and the above mentioned. Before that, a word of caution; if you’ve got teenagers at home we suggest you invest in a top-end locking mechanism. Because who hasn’t broken into their dad’s bar and replaced that expensive Glenfiddich dear old dad was saving for the next family wedding or funeral, with honey-coloured tea? If you being the epitome of obedience have not, your kids will have read this by now. We recommend Yale locks for a very good reason.

Now that you’ve protected your base spirits by more pre-nups than the ex-bunnies of the playboy mansion, it’s time to start thinking about mixers. Stock up on the staples of tonic water, ginger ale, orange juice, cranberry juice, pineapple juice, tomato juice, or just plain cola. If you have a flair for the dramatic or think you’re a Carrie Bradshaw who thrives on cosmopolitans knowing your book will spawn a mini-series, we recommend you stock up on garnishes for those cocktails. Be it cocktail olives and onions, lemons, or Tabasco, to just plain old ice that you can serve with fish, steak, or a bad break up.

If you’re not lucky enough to own beachfront real estate, we suggest you get the proper tools to create those exotic cocktails. This includes good crystal with decanters that let the good bourbon breathe. It’s not that we have an aversion to the economical; it’s just that we know there are less expensive bourbons, but there are also thinner steaks and smaller cars. Honestly now, did you spend your youth dreaming about someday owning a fridge that you might find an occasional stale beer in? No? We thought so. And, remember when that bottle of carefully hoarded Chivas is down a peg or two: to the host, it's half empty, but to the guest, it's half full.

HOW TO ORDER A PERFECT GLASS OF WHISKEY

First-timers, if you're vying for a glass of that amber coloured liquid, from personal experience, do not go all dreamy-eyed asking the bartender for “some sunshine held together by water, please.” Even Quick Gun Murugan was clear about what he wanted with “One whiskey, one masala dosa.” The point of this introductory diatribe is, be clear, be concise, and do not be afraid to ask the barkeep for help. So, don’t worry because most of us worshippers of the holy brew will tell you that the glass can be half empty or half full, as long as there’s whiskey in it.

Firstly.

We’re damn proud you chose whiskey. We now respect the cojones you got. As Jim puts it, "the men rode into a saloon" is never followed by "and ordered a merlot." We’re also relieved you chose to read this. It means you’d rather do a little reading up than get stuck with a gaping fish-mouth wondering what went wrong when you ordered a double, neat.

Thusly.

George Clooney’s character in Ocean’s 11 orders “a whiskey and a whiskey” with 2 hand gestures of ‘a small’ and ‘a large’. Making it easy for the bartender to recognize and serve the order. Whiskey can be a bit intimidating to a first-timer, but don’t be afraid to ask the bartender for his recommendations. Old whiskey lovers will simply tell you the simplest way to order a whiskey is how you’d like to drink it. Want to sample it just for the taste? Order a neat. This means just the whiskey in the glass without ice, water or mixers to dilute the taste. A double on the rocks will get you ice with your whiskey. We always endorse the patiala peg if you’re looking for a nice long evening to nurse that holy brew. You could go in for a cocktail, but then wartime soldiers getting their leg sawed off weren't given a vodka cranberry. And, as a parting-shot for all those prissy, cocktail swirling, sangria slurping non-believers, Don Draper certainly didn't brainstorm with a mojito in his hand.

TOP 5 LOCAL FAVORITE DRINKS

OLD MONK AND THUMBS-UP

It’s everyone’s timeless, bar-raiding-worthy, college reunion, kind of drink. Old Monk wallahs will tell of how it was a coming of age drink for them. Grandmas will tell you how it’s the best thing for a cold and cough. The old city bakers will tell you how it was an important ingredient for their rum wedding cakes. Old Monk has the perfect mix of vanilla and cinnamon leaving a sweet aftertaste. We recommend you try a well-poured patiala peg with a simple combination of thumbs-up and water, or a bit fancy with honey, lemon juice, mint leaves, and crushed ice. And, we assure you there’s only happiness to be found at the bottom of your glass

SINGLE MALT WITH BRUBECK

Those who’ve weathered a few seasons of ye olde Jazz Yatra, will swear by it. The new age Jazz and Blues aficionados won’t have anything else with their music other than a good nip of Glenfiddich. If straight scotch is not for you, we recommend a cocktail you can't refuse, the Godfather cocktail made of Scotch and Amaretto.

IRISH CREAM IN YOUR BOSS’ COFFEE

It’s one of the secrets Bombay’s upper-management won’t tell you. We will, of course, tell you that Baileys has been and continues to be a staple for all those office team-building sessions. Right from the bastions of the city’s power brokers to celebrity soirees is where you’d see it delicately sipped, or mixed with Kahlua coffee liqueur and butterscotch schnapps. Yes, you heard it here. Coffee is for minions.

BEER GLORIOUS BEER

There’s nothing better to beat Bombay’s ferocious heat than a beer, preferably by the seaside. This simple tipple can be found at the Harbour Bar of the grand Taj in Colaba, to somewhere in Bandstand at Bandra. The flavours range from bitter to sweet to tangy – all made possible by the host of micro-breweries and craft beers. We recommend the Black Mamba for James Bond wannabes.

VODKA CRANBERRY FOR DIVAS

Carrie Bradshaw has our everlasting thanks. Right from the glitz and glamour of Bombay’s movie stars to the workaholic writers and seductive songstresses, who hasn’t been romanced by the famous Cosmopolitan cocktail? Every bartender who’s worth his salt will tell you it’s one of the most requested for cocktails by those who want to wine, dine, and impress.

THE FINE ART OF SERVING BEER

What beer sommeliers won’t tell you…

They could tell you that a beer bottle will break if left in the freezer for too long, but your plastic coke bottle will freeze up. But they won’t. They’d be too busy sampling the beer that’s in front of them. That’s why we’re here to help you serve your beer the right way.

The right temperature

Some beers are designed to be served cold. This is because it optimizes the flavour. If beers are stored at home, make sure you constantly keep a check on the temperature. We recommend between 12 to 18 degrees for ales and 4 to 8 degrees for lagers. Cellars are also acceptable to store your beers. Bottles should be kept out of the fridge for a while before consuming.

The perfect crown of foam

For the right head of foam, put down that large coffee cup you use and start using actual beer glasses. For light lagers or pilsners use a Pilsner Glass. For Belgian ales and Flanders Red use a Tulip Glass. For Belgian sours, pale ales, and strong ales use a Chalice. For your light lagers and stouts use a Pint Glass. The dark beer served in a tulip glass allows the beer to air out while giving you a better sense of the rich aroma.

Coming to the whys and wherefores of the holy foam head, the right beer glass will allow for the right amount of foam and in turn, help the drink to stay fresh and preserve its taste. That being said, thoroughly wash beer glasses as even the tiniest bits of residue will prevent a good head. Pour the beer at a 45-degree angle. Fill up half the glass and turn it upright. Now continue pouring till the foam reaches the brim. It is recommended to serve beer with a 2 to 3 cm. head. The perfect crown of foam is one with a thick consistency and tiny bubbles.

BEST WAY TO HAVE TEQUILA, APART FROM SHOTS

No, this is not going to go the Mary Poppins way – a spoon full of sugar, in this case, won’t help that medicine go down, simply because real Mexican tequila is created from 100% agave sugar.

For the uninitiated, tequila shots are had with a lick of salt and a sour lemon to wash the terrible taste off. Usually. Unfortunately, this really isn’t the right way to drink it. It shouldn’t be masked with salt and lemon, and the drain water pretending to be tequila gives the real stuff a bad name.

Know thy Gold

Blanco tequila is 2 months old or less; Reposado is between 2 and 11 months; Aneja is aged between 1 to 5 years; and Extra Añejo is aged a minimum of 3 years. Some say the really good Reposado and Añejo tequilas taste like a high-quality single malt. If you’ve the time, try the mango tequila at The Taj, we did, and loved it.

So, ditch the chilling as it kills the flavor and the lime-and-salt theatrics, and go in for a cocktail. Try a Bloody Mary with tequila instead of vodka, or a Paloma, served with tequila and grapefruit soda. Though, a word to the wise, never mix tequila with sugar. So it’s a complete no-no for those Long island ice teas with coke, smiley bartenders with the orangey tequila sunrises they endorse, or those sugary margaritas. We suggest you mix Triple Sec or Cointreau with tequila, and then cut it with water and add fresh lime.

The right way to savour your precious gold? We recommend you sip that Añejo at room temperature and you will find notes of agave, chocolate, caramel, burnt honey, yam, vanilla, or even tobacco or leather.

What the jokers, smokers, and midnight tokers highly recommend

There are more than a few Reposado tequilas. Montejima we’re told, is said to be made out of the best variety of Blue Agave from Jalisco. There’s a delicate balance of vanilla and wood in the flavor. Piedra Azul has a hint of vanilla with a honey finish. The XXX Siglo Treinta tequila has a strong oak base. Blue Head Blanco tequila has a sweet and fruity taste. U4RIK Añejo tequila has a floral and sweet taste. If your boss is paying the bill, we heartily recommend the 5 year El Capo Extra-Aged Añejo tequila. And if your boss asks why, tell him it’s because of the happy concentration of dried fruit, coffee, walnuts, and chocolates.